We’re four Cro-Magnons who talk modern entertainment. Please join us!
To use our site, check the “Blog Feed” tab for our most recent updates, or “ATM Specials” to follow a specific series. We want to hear from you, so please subscribe, comment, and find us on any social media you can think of.
Like many 26-year-old men, I have fallen in love with Netflix’s Carmen San Diego. Everyone loves a story of redistributing wealth from the undeserving, back to the deserving: Robin Hood, Karl Marx, or whatever Atlas Shrugged is about. Carmen San Diego is a master thief, with unmatched skills. In her newest incarnation, Carmen’s mission is to steal from the stealers, or to make sure the world’s most steal-able goods stay un-stolen. She travels around the world, with her charmingly stereotypical Bostonian pals, thwarting the evil plans of the clever, and subtly, named “V.I.L.E”. “V.I.L.E” often tries to steal artifacts for their own personal enjoyment, a crime worse than any other. This often involves her proclaiming the importance of cultural heritage as her Bostonian friends say something very questionably close-minded. It is great to have a children’s show portray why we should hate New Englanders, and not just for their sports.
Unfortunately, Carmen does not live up to her own lofty values. In Season 4, Episode 1, she becomes very chummy with a high up official of the Chinese government. Huang Li, manger of one of China’s biggest banks and gold reserves is in danger of getting kidnapped, so “V.I.L.E” can extort him for China’s gold. Carmen needs to ensure that he and china’s gold stays save. You may now be asking yourself, why would a communist country have a major bank or gold reserve? Good question! Is China actually communist? Answering that would involve me getting further than two sentences into China’s Wikipedia article. You may also be asking yourself, isn’t China involved in various human rights abuses? First, that is capitalist and counter revolutionary propaganda. Second, you are absolutely correct.
Carmen Sandiego premiered in 2019 and is currently on it’s 4th season, so you know it’s good. Photo Courtesy Netflix
As we all know, from the 6th of October 1950, to the 23rd of May 1951, China invaded and annexed Tibet. What followed have been decades of oppression and conflict, with China trying to snub out and steal Tibet’s cultural heritage. As you are all also aware, the ethnically Turkish and Muslim region of Xinjiang came under Chinese communist rule in 1949. In order to assimilate the local population, the Uyghur, China has recently set up internment camps, while stealing their land and property; this is often called the Uyghur genocide.
Carmen San Diego’s actions ensured that China’s gold stayed safe. This brings up several issues. First, committing genocide is not cheap and china’s central reserve is surely used to fund it. Secondly, if China has expanded its borders through stealing land and property, it is safe to assume that its gold reserves have been bolstered through stolen wealth. If this is the case, shouldn’t have Carmen San Diego actually been the one stealing the gold? Why did she not? Does Carmen support an ethnically homogenous China? Or is she just a statist? In the previous season finale, she protected the English Crown jewels, so we know that she supports oppressive institutions, such as monarchy. Maybe Carmen explicitly supports the Uyghur genocide and made a conscious decision to ensure its continued funding.
The Carmen Sandiego franchise began in 1985 with the video game Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. In it’s original incantation, Sandiego was an antagonist, yet still held the postiion of anti-crimes-against-humanity. Photo courtesy The Avocado.
Who is really “V.I.L.E” here, an organization that wanted to steal some gold to throw killer parties and impressive their friends, or a master thief, who protects a genocidal regime?
We all have one. Our list of what-ifs. What if Bo Jackson played a full career? What if Quentin Tarantino directed a gritty Hawkman movie? We may never know.
Entertainment is full of question marks. So if we aren’t going to actually live in a perfect world, we may as well talk about what we think would make it a better one. In this segment, we share our dream media with you.
The plot of two movies combine to make one memorable title. (Game rules available)
Lee Marvin whips up a ragtag group of 12 World War II commandos to take on Steve Martin’s over-sized family in this remake of the 1950 film by the same name.
Answer Below:
Be sure to follow Artless Troglodyte on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Reddit, and probably LinkedIn next for #2PLOTS1TITLE and all other sorts of that sweet, sweet content.
The plot of two movies combine to make one memorable title. (Game rules available)
In his unforgiving quest for wealth, oilman Daniel Day-Lewis competes against the likes of Jean-Claude Van Damme in an underground street fighting competition.
Answer:
Want to play? Leave your 2 Plots, 1 Title suggestions below!
Join me as I watch 100 movies that IMDB user ChrisWalczyk55 considers the 100 Greatest Movies of All Time.
This list was chosen because when I googled “top 100 movies of all time,” it was the first list to come up.
We’re four Cro-Magnons who talk modern entertainment. Please join us!
To use our site, check the “Blog Feed” tab for our most recent updates, or “ATM Specials” to follow a specific series. We want to hear from you, so please subscribe, comment, and find us on any social media you can think of.
Like many 26-year-old men, I have fallen in love with Netflix’s Carmen San Diego. Everyone loves a story of redistributing wealth from the undeserving, back to the deserving: Robin Hood, Karl Marx, or whatever Atlas Shrugged is about. Carmen San Diego is a master thief, with unmatched skills. In her newest incarnation, Carmen’s mission is to steal from the stealers, or to make sure the world’s most steal-able goods stay un-stolen. She travels around the world, with her charmingly stereotypical Bostonian pals, thwarting the evil plans of the clever, and subtly, named “V.I.L.E”. “V.I.L.E” often tries to steal artifacts for their own personal enjoyment, a crime worse than any other. This often involves her proclaiming the importance of cultural heritage as her Bostonian friends say something very questionably close-minded. It is great to have a children’s show portray why we should hate New Englanders, and not just for their sports.
Unfortunately, Carmen does not live up to her own lofty values. In Season 4, Episode 1, she becomes very chummy with a high up official of the Chinese government. Huang Li, manger of one of China’s biggest banks and gold reserves is in danger of getting kidnapped, so “V.I.L.E” can extort him for China’s gold. Carmen needs to ensure that he and china’s gold stays save. You may now be asking yourself, why would a communist country have a major bank or gold reserve? Good question! Is China actually communist? Answering that would involve me getting further than two sentences into China’s Wikipedia article. You may also be asking yourself, isn’t China involved in various human rights abuses? First, that is capitalist and counter revolutionary propaganda. Second, you are absolutely correct.
Carmen Sandiego premiered in 2019 and is currently on it’s 4th season, so you know it’s good. Photo Courtesy Netflix
As we all know, from the 6th of October 1950, to the 23rd of May 1951, China invaded and annexed Tibet. What followed have been decades of oppression and conflict, with China trying to snub out and steal Tibet’s cultural heritage. As you are all also aware, the ethnically Turkish and Muslim region of Xinjiang came under Chinese communist rule in 1949. In order to assimilate the local population, the Uyghur, China has recently set up internment camps, while stealing their land and property; this is often called the Uyghur genocide.
Carmen San Diego’s actions ensured that China’s gold stayed safe. This brings up several issues. First, committing genocide is not cheap and china’s central reserve is surely used to fund it. Secondly, if China has expanded its borders through stealing land and property, it is safe to assume that its gold reserves have been bolstered through stolen wealth. If this is the case, shouldn’t have Carmen San Diego actually been the one stealing the gold? Why did she not? Does Carmen support an ethnically homogenous China? Or is she just a statist? In the previous season finale, she protected the English Crown jewels, so we know that she supports oppressive institutions, such as monarchy. Maybe Carmen explicitly supports the Uyghur genocide and made a conscious decision to ensure its continued funding.
The Carmen Sandiego franchise began in 1985 with the video game Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. In it’s original incantation, Sandiego was an antagonist, yet still held the postiion of anti-crimes-against-humanity. Photo courtesy The Avocado.
Who is really “V.I.L.E” here, an organization that wanted to steal some gold to throw killer parties and impressive their friends, or a master thief, who protects a genocidal regime?
We all have one. Our list of what-ifs. What if Bo Jackson played a full career? What if Quentin Tarantino directed a gritty Hawkman movie? We may never know.
Entertainment is full of question marks. So if we aren’t going to actually live in a perfect world, we may as well talk about what we think would make it a better one. In this segment, we share our dream media with you.
The plot of two movies combine to make one memorable title. (Game rules available)
Lee Marvin whips up a ragtag group of 12 World War II commandos to take on Steve Martin’s over-sized family in this remake of the 1950 film by the same name.
Answer Below:
Be sure to follow Artless Troglodyte on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Reddit, and probably LinkedIn next for #2PLOTS1TITLE and all other sorts of that sweet, sweet content.
The plot of two movies combine to make one memorable title. (Game rules available)
In his unforgiving quest for wealth, oilman Daniel Day-Lewis competes against the likes of Jean-Claude Van Damme in an underground street fighting competition.
Answer:
Want to play? Leave your 2 Plots, 1 Title suggestions below!
Join me as I watch 100 movies that IMDB user ChrisWalczyk55 considers the 100 Greatest Movies of All Time.
This list was chosen because when I googled “top 100 movies of all time,” it was the first list to come up.
(Watched before starting the blog)
As EVERYONE knows, the Godfather is considered the greatest movie of all time. I am going to be honest, I liked the movie, but I do not really understand why it is the best movie of all time. It felt more drawn out than necessary and some of the filming felt really dated. I guess that invalidates all of my other reviews.
The plot of two movies combine to make one memorable title. (Game rules available)
Based on the 1962 novel by Ken Kesey, Jack Nicholson causes disruption in a mental hospital with the assistance of a cadre of animated animals voiced by Bruce Willis, Garry Shandling, Steve Carell, William Shatner, Wanda Sykes and Nick Nolte.
Answer:
Want to play? Leave your 2 Plots, 1 Title suggestions below!
The plot of two movies combine to make one memorable title. (Game rules available)
In this kids’ classic that combines live-action with animation, Macaulay Culkin is transported into the pages of a high-seas adventure starring Russell Crowe and Paul Bettany, who are in pursuit of a French privateer.
Answer:
The Pagemaster and Commander: The Far Side of the World
Want to play? Leave your 2 Plots, 1 Title suggestions below!
2 Plots, 1 Title is a word and movie game we play among each other almost constantly. To play, we’ll share a combined plot synopsis of two movies, and you guess the title, which is a mismatch of the two movie titles.
The movies generally share a similar word or similar sound in their title, which makes them easier to mash.
For example, we could say:
In this early 20th century classic, Dorothy and little Toto realize that not only are they no longer in Kansas, they are in fact inside Bill Murray’s animated immune system.
Think you have it?
The two plots are The Wizard of Oz and Osmosis Jones, meaning the answer is:
The Wizard of Osmosis Jones
Have ideas for your own plots? Share below!
In today’s FLOP or NOT, Jack dives into three of the most epic trailers of late, and of course dishes a FLOP or NOT rating.
World War I deserves more movies. It only started to receive the recognition it deserves in media, art, and public knowledge in the face of its centennial (at least in the States, that is.) Massively grim, dramatic, and somewhat recent event in human history, the stories of World War I are waiting to be told on the big screen.
There are no red flags with this trailer. It’s appropriately dark. The plot seems a bit Saving Private Ryan (1998) meets Dunkirk (2017), but that’s okay. The cast has made some great films.
Initially I was a concerned about Sam Mendes as director. My immediate thought was that his last big film was a Bond movie that ranked somewhere between For Your Eyes Only (1981) and Quantum of Solace (2008) in the James Bond Cinema Memorability Index.
However, after looking into his background and refreshing myself on some of the highlights of his career, it was easy to see how his background could really lend itself to this type of film.
Mendes touts a diverse background from classical theatre to musicals to films like Road to Perdition (2002) and Jarhead (2005). He won an Academy Award for his directorial debut with American Beauty (1999). Besides his filmography, perhaps what bodes best for this film is Mendes’ clear personal investment. The plot is based off of an account told to him by his paternal grandfather. 1917 is his first credit as a director, producer, and writer in a major film. All around, the film is on track to have the care and craftsmanship a story about the Great War deserves.
The question remains whether Universal will know how to market a British story from a lesser-known war to American and global audiences, but I suspect that this movie will be received positively by those who see it.
Netflix’s Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance is a ten-part series capping off their summer season. It has an extensive, dynamite cast. It looks exactly as a 2019 reboot of this franchise should, combining puppets and CGI with the blessing and support of Jim Henson’s studio. I, like I assume many other Millennials, have never seen the original source material for Netflix’s relaunch of the Dark Crystal universe. However, because this series is a prequel taking place before the events of the 1982 film, I feel comfortable getting excited about the story as an outsider.
Ultimately, this movie would not have been made save for the coming together of craftsmen, financiers, and nostalgic lovers of the fantasy and 1980s genres. It’s a big budget passion project, and I hope that it delivers.
Sylvester Stallone represents so much of what can be great about America. He’s a creative entrepreneur who kept plugging away until he achieved his big break, which is perhaps even more American than Apollo Creed donning a red, white, and blue flag body suit while dancing to James Brown.
First Blood (1982), the Rambo film that started it all, blends memorable stunts and exciting sequences with a somber anti-war, pro-veteran message. In quality, it stands alone in the series. (The second film is a great watch too, but unfortunately begins the sequels on a downward spiral towards mindless action and ham-fisted morality.)
If it’s not clear at this point, given my appreciation for the iconic status of Stallone and the early Rambo movies, I want the “final” installment, Rambo: Last Blood (2019) to be a fun last hurrah. Any trailer that features “Old Town Road,” western motifs, and a weathered Stallone sharpening his Bowie knife should be cause for excitement. It’s fun. It’s wild… bananas even.
That being said, history would tell a different story. Based off of Stallone’s career, (Stop! Or My Mother Will Shoot, Judge Dredd) the basement is very, very low. Additionally, his latest installments in the Rocky and Rambo series were okay-to-good-at-best.
Where does this leave us? On one hand, the trailer seemed to be everything it should be. On the other… really, another Rambo movie with what looks to be the plot lifted from Skyfall (2012)?
I think it will flop. I hope I’m wrong. But remember: it’s 2019, anything can happen.
-Jack
P.S. While writing this review, I realized that Dark Crystal and First Blood were in theaters at roughly the same time (fall and winter of 1982). Could you imagine going into the wrong theater? Ahhhh the 80’s, what a time to be alive.
As a guy who needs to find a place to live by later this August, I’m acutely aware of just how close September, Back-to-School season, and chillier weather is around the corner.
Luckily, I recently discovered two tracks from this summer that compliment these warm rays perfectly, but mellow out that upcoming deadline.
The North Mississipppi Allstars have been around for a while, and are perhaps known best for a great cover of Junior Kimbrough’s classic Meet me in the City. Up and Rolling, released earlier this month, is a genre bending homage to the southern counter-culture. Laid-back harmonies coupled with a distinct blues sound give this track a fresh, versatile sound that could lend itself to a blues playlist as easily as it could a summer beach one.
The B-side, What You Gonna Do?, featuring THE Mavis Staples, is another highly listenable track. Although it lacks the catchiness of the A-side, the soulful vocals compliment a satisfying, spiritual blues instrumental.
Up and Rolling is a fresh single that remains true to NMA’s sound. Both tunes released this month bode extremely well for the upcoming album, also named Up and Rolling. I am so happy to have discovered this track while I can still listen to it under the sun.
My second shareable summer single is Tempted, a collaboration between Erykah Badu and The Roots’s James Poyser. A jazzy, satiny cover of the Squeeze original, Badu & Poyser’s track feels familiar like the 80’s classic while simultaneous jumping genres into a billowing jazz track. This track is classic Badu, and an ideal tune to play on a warm summer cruise.
What tunes have you had on repeat all summer? Comment below to let us know!
-Jack
(Watched before starting the blog)
As EVERYONE knows, the Godfather is considered the greatest movie of all time. I am going to be honest, I liked the movie, but I do not really understand why it is the best movie of all time. It felt more drawn out than necessary and some of the filming felt really dated. I guess that invalidates all of my other reviews.
The plot of two movies combine to make one memorable title. (Game rules available)
Based on the 1962 novel by Ken Kesey, Jack Nicholson causes disruption in a mental hospital with the assistance of a cadre of animated animals voiced by Bruce Willis, Garry Shandling, Steve Carell, William Shatner, Wanda Sykes and Nick Nolte.
Answer:
Want to play? Leave your 2 Plots, 1 Title suggestions below!
The plot of two movies combine to make one memorable title. (Game rules available)
In this kids’ classic that combines live-action with animation, Macaulay Culkin is transported into the pages of a high-seas adventure starring Russell Crowe and Paul Bettany, who are in pursuit of a French privateer.
Answer:
The Pagemaster and Commander: The Far Side of the World
Want to play? Leave your 2 Plots, 1 Title suggestions below!
2 Plots, 1 Title is a word and movie game we play among each other almost constantly. To play, we’ll share a combined plot synopsis of two movies, and you guess the title, which is a mismatch of the two movie titles.
The movies generally share a similar word or similar sound in their title, which makes them easier to mash.
For example, we could say:
In this early 20th century classic, Dorothy and little Toto realize that not only are they no longer in Kansas, they are in fact inside Bill Murray’s animated immune system.
Think you have it?
The two plots are The Wizard of Oz and Osmosis Jones, meaning the answer is:
The Wizard of Osmosis Jones
Have ideas for your own plots? Share below!
In today’s FLOP or NOT, Jack dives into three of the most epic trailers of late, and of course dishes a FLOP or NOT rating.
World War I deserves more movies. It only started to receive the recognition it deserves in media, art, and public knowledge in the face of its centennial (at least in the States, that is.) Massively grim, dramatic, and somewhat recent event in human history, the stories of World War I are waiting to be told on the big screen.
There are no red flags with this trailer. It’s appropriately dark. The plot seems a bit Saving Private Ryan (1998) meets Dunkirk (2017), but that’s okay. The cast has made some great films.
Initially I was a concerned about Sam Mendes as director. My immediate thought was that his last big film was a Bond movie that ranked somewhere between For Your Eyes Only (1981) and Quantum of Solace (2008) in the James Bond Cinema Memorability Index.
However, after looking into his background and refreshing myself on some of the highlights of his career, it was easy to see how his background could really lend itself to this type of film.
Mendes touts a diverse background from classical theatre to musicals to films like Road to Perdition (2002) and Jarhead (2005). He won an Academy Award for his directorial debut with American Beauty (1999). Besides his filmography, perhaps what bodes best for this film is Mendes’ clear personal investment. The plot is based off of an account told to him by his paternal grandfather. 1917 is his first credit as a director, producer, and writer in a major film. All around, the film is on track to have the care and craftsmanship a story about the Great War deserves.
The question remains whether Universal will know how to market a British story from a lesser-known war to American and global audiences, but I suspect that this movie will be received positively by those who see it.
Netflix’s Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance is a ten-part series capping off their summer season. It has an extensive, dynamite cast. It looks exactly as a 2019 reboot of this franchise should, combining puppets and CGI with the blessing and support of Jim Henson’s studio. I, like I assume many other Millennials, have never seen the original source material for Netflix’s relaunch of the Dark Crystal universe. However, because this series is a prequel taking place before the events of the 1982 film, I feel comfortable getting excited about the story as an outsider.
Ultimately, this movie would not have been made save for the coming together of craftsmen, financiers, and nostalgic lovers of the fantasy and 1980s genres. It’s a big budget passion project, and I hope that it delivers.
Sylvester Stallone represents so much of what can be great about America. He’s a creative entrepreneur who kept plugging away until he achieved his big break, which is perhaps even more American than Apollo Creed donning a red, white, and blue flag body suit while dancing to James Brown.
First Blood (1982), the Rambo film that started it all, blends memorable stunts and exciting sequences with a somber anti-war, pro-veteran message. In quality, it stands alone in the series. (The second film is a great watch too, but unfortunately begins the sequels on a downward spiral towards mindless action and ham-fisted morality.)
If it’s not clear at this point, given my appreciation for the iconic status of Stallone and the early Rambo movies, I want the “final” installment, Rambo: Last Blood (2019) to be a fun last hurrah. Any trailer that features “Old Town Road,” western motifs, and a weathered Stallone sharpening his Bowie knife should be cause for excitement. It’s fun. It’s wild… bananas even.
That being said, history would tell a different story. Based off of Stallone’s career, (Stop! Or My Mother Will Shoot, Judge Dredd) the basement is very, very low. Additionally, his latest installments in the Rocky and Rambo series were okay-to-good-at-best.
Where does this leave us? On one hand, the trailer seemed to be everything it should be. On the other… really, another Rambo movie with what looks to be the plot lifted from Skyfall (2012)?
I think it will flop. I hope I’m wrong. But remember: it’s 2019, anything can happen.
-Jack
P.S. While writing this review, I realized that Dark Crystal and First Blood were in theaters at roughly the same time (fall and winter of 1982). Could you imagine going into the wrong theater? Ahhhh the 80’s, what a time to be alive.
As a guy who needs to find a place to live by later this August, I’m acutely aware of just how close September, Back-to-School season, and chillier weather is around the corner.
Luckily, I recently discovered two tracks from this summer that compliment these warm rays perfectly, but mellow out that upcoming deadline.
The North Mississipppi Allstars have been around for a while, and are perhaps known best for a great cover of Junior Kimbrough’s classic Meet me in the City. Up and Rolling, released earlier this month, is a genre bending homage to the southern counter-culture. Laid-back harmonies coupled with a distinct blues sound give this track a fresh, versatile sound that could lend itself to a blues playlist as easily as it could a summer beach one.
The B-side, What You Gonna Do?, featuring THE Mavis Staples, is another highly listenable track. Although it lacks the catchiness of the A-side, the soulful vocals compliment a satisfying, spiritual blues instrumental.
Up and Rolling is a fresh single that remains true to NMA’s sound. Both tunes released this month bode extremely well for the upcoming album, also named Up and Rolling. I am so happy to have discovered this track while I can still listen to it under the sun.
My second shareable summer single is Tempted, a collaboration between Erykah Badu and The Roots’s James Poyser. A jazzy, satiny cover of the Squeeze original, Badu & Poyser’s track feels familiar like the 80’s classic while simultaneous jumping genres into a billowing jazz track. This track is classic Badu, and an ideal tune to play on a warm summer cruise.
What tunes have you had on repeat all summer? Comment below to let us know!
-Jack
Artless Troglodyte Media