Warren’s Take:
Episode 4: A flawless movie that perfectly executes its goal of being an homage to sci-fi B movies.
Episode 5: An actual well written movie with iconic scenes.
Rogue One: A fresh-ish take on the Star Wars universe that ties in the old trilogy.
Solo: The same as Rogue One. Respect for spending millions on correcting a scientific mistake in Episode 4.
Episode 6: Campier and more contrived than 4 and 5, but still an okay movie.
Episode 3: A lot better than people give it credit for.
Star Wars the Clone Wars: I like the TV show and this is the last spot before things get really bad.
Episode 1: Apparently someone thought that the Star Wars universe needed racist caricatures. It really, really didn’t.
Episode 2: I don’t like sand.
Getting Stabbed in the Ears and Eyeballs
Episode 7: A New Hope, without the well written and memorable characters, setting, or acting.
Episode 8: I am literally offended by anyone that says this is a good movie.
Jack’s Take:
Episode 5: Just perfect. Iconic and innovative yet adheres to the principles of excellent storytelling. The greatest second act of all time, and the highest point in the franchise.
Episode 4: A lot of original creative works aren’t transformational in their time. At best, a truly original work may gain some traction with critics or a small cult audience. Star Wars Episode 4 is one of those rare examples when a startlingly original creative piece not only is adopted, but changes its genre and industry upon its release. It’s the Beatles. It’s the Model-T. It’s fun and groundbreaking to this day.
Episode 6: The third film is less groundbreaking than the first and lacks the tight, seamless storytelling of the second. It’s in the top three not because of how excellent it is, but rather because I’m not sure any of the others surpasses it.
Rogue One: The first (and only) of the films made after 1983 to balance fresh storytelling with striking yet familiar visuals. It’s the only film since the original that gets Star Wars going in a healthy, new(ish) direction.
Caravan of Courage, an Ewok Adventure: Don’t sleep on this one. I haven’t watched this film in maaany moons, but still remember the characters as more relatable and the scenes more memorable than the films I have watched recently.
Solo: A burned out middle school teacher has higher expectations for their Fortnite-obsessed students than I had for this movie. Thankfully, this allowed me to actually enjoy the film, and while I think it has several negatives, is a fun flick if you like the series, especially because it shockingly doesn’t ruin Han.
Episode 1: Say you forgot your towel at the beach and had to get into your baking hot, possibly leather interior car wearing a wet bathing suit. That might suck. But if on the same day, you also got a stomach bug and smashed your fingers stuck in the small gap between a door and the door frame, the whole wet bathing suit thing wouldn’t be that bad. Compared to good Star Wars movies, Phantom Menace is rough. But compared to what’s about to happen to the franchise, it’s honestly pretty forgettable at worst and mindlessly entertaining at best.
Episode 7: I can’t hate on 7 too much because it gave us back Star Wars. We got to watch *new* Star Wars movies that, shockingly, actually felt like Star Wars movies. Had 8 been better, I think it would have significantly elevated this film. Since that wasn’t the case, this one stands alone as a weird carbon copy of its predecessors. Still, I’ll never forget hearing those sweet, sweet X-Wings in the theater for the first time.
Episode 3: This is a very boring movie.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
-Darth Vader, Star Wars Episode 3
Episode 2. The best I can say about this move is that it’s memorable, and even then, “memorable” is far from a good thing. The fact that this was one of my favorites as a child makes me seriously question how I’ll look upon my judgments of today in the future.
Holiday Special: Featured all of the classic actors (at varying levels of sobriety), the format of Hee Haw (google it kids) and an original tune from Jefferson Starship, which is more than I can say about other films on this list.
Episode 8. I love, LOVE the concept of taking Star Wars in a fresh, new direction, which this film tried to do. Sadly, it’s fell so short in tone and story that it singlehandedly tanked the sequels. Possibly the most confusing tone of any of the films, which says a lot. Maybe in 10 years I’d place this movie higher on this list, but until then it’s consigned to the Sarlac pit.
Fritz’s Take:
I’m too busy to rank these movies, plus I think it’s stupid to “rank” the Star Wars movies. I’ve explained my view on that multiple times before.
Artless Troglodyte Media 